This post is going to be a little different to my usual posts. I didn't just start this blog to talk about all the fun I have in my life. I wanted to show the good and the bad. My illness is there, all the time, whether I'm having fun or not. The pain and discomfort is there all the time, 100%. There will be a part of every day where it is unbearable. Sometimes this may only last an hour or so. Sometimes the pain will come in a wave when I'm sat in a lecture or when I'm out with friends, and I'll just have to ride it out. Then it will pass and I'll be fine until the next wave comes. Sometimes it will last all day and that's that.
It's not all a good time. I intended to write this blog to show the good and the bad, but what I definitely don't want to do, is make every single post about what a hard life I have - because that certainly isn't the case. I do, however want to make it honest - like everyone, my life is an equal mix of good and bad - they're my stripes! I'm either white with black stripes, or black with white stripes.
When I've done a load of fun stuff, I don't really want to kill that post by talking about how ill I am in - I do, seem to end all the posts with a brief moan about how tired I am, and that's true!
I felt like today was a good time to blog a little about 'the ugly' because I'm tired, and not feeling the best right now and just feel like I'm struggling to keep my head above water.
I spent most of last week in pain, throwing up and keeping nothing down which wasn't what I needed. Somehow, I didn't miss any uni or work. On Thursday night, I came downstairs, with a puke bag, hot water bottle and blanket so that I didn't wake Samuel up and I could have a bit of space just to be ill. When Sam came down in the morning I let him get ready for uni with absolutely no plans of getting off the sofa. Then I remembered how much I do not get Forensic Linguistics, and that I'd already missed last weeks lecture to attend the PORT day, so I whizzed some jeans and a hoody on over my pyjamas and headed out the house. On Friday night I had to dose myself up, and get the doctor to prescribe me additional painkillers which knocked me high. Things have started to settle down a little bit since then so hopefully this week will be nicer.
On Thursday, I realised that PGCE applications are fast approaching and I don't have my primary experience sorted yet, which put me in a bit of a breakdown over my future. I planned to get my primary classroom experience sorted last year, but then I ended up focusing on my health after my admission last year. That took a while to build up my stamina again, whilst adapting to the worsened affects of my illness. Then as soon as I was able, I had to go back to work to top up my savings for the next academic year. I'm so worried about my future - I've already been pushed back two years because of my health and now I'm going to end up back another year.
This year I get less student finance, because apparently third years don't have the same living costs, so that's meant that I've had to work two days a week. I was really lucky to get offered those two days at work, because it's a job that I do enjoy, know well and I'm really grateful for that opportunity when I need it. But it's really tiring doing a job in Blackpool whilst living in Ormskirk. I initially started by staying at home for those two nights, but the last two weeks I've decided to commute because living out of a bag is just stressful. I have all my uni work here in Ormskirk - it's too much to carry back and forth every week - and so by living here I can do work on Mondays and Tuesdays. I know many people work jobs whilst at uni, but many people don't have to commute, and many people don't have this illness, so those things just make it a little harder.
Then I'm in uni on Wednesdays and Fridays, leaving Thursdays and weekends free - but they're never free, they're always busy as hell - to get my work done, attend appointments and catch up on the rest of life. And rest. On top of that, my Mum is moving house and I have all my stuff to go home and pack and not a single day free to go home and pack it.
I just feel like there aren't enough hours in the day. I have loads of things planned all the time - fun things and compulsory things - I'm feeling pretty drained from it all.
I'm really wanting to just take a step out of life for a week and hibernate so that I can have enough energy to face these busy full weeks.
I'm hoping that this opportunity to try TPN comes around soon, and gives me a little more energy to cope with all that's happening. I know my calorie intake is absolutely crap at the moment and that is probably contributing to my poor energy levels. I'm feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of trying to keep up with uni work in hospital again, and how I'm going to cope with being out of work whilst I'm in hospital - but I've done it before and so I know I can do it. It's just additional worries.
I was supposed to have a meeting with my dissertation supervisors this afternoon, so I took the afternoon off work. But it got cancelled at the last minute so I drove back to uni and just climbed into bed and remained there for the rest of the day.
Not looking for sympathy - I just want to blog about all aspects of my life with stripes, and this is how I feel right now.
On a positive, on Thursday, I went to go and see Hamlet (with the Cumberbatch!) live streamed from the Barbican at the Vue - which was great! If you get the chance to go and see it, please do because it's amazing.
Back to those busy week and this week I am going horse riding on Thursday night - which the girls got me for my birthday, then to see The Wombats in Liverpool on Friday night with Katie, and then I'm driving down to Hampshire on Saturday to attend Jenny's Mad Hatters tea party and see my Auntie and Uncle in Woking.
I wouldn't have it any other way - I'm just crossing my fingers that I can manage it all. I don't really see any time off/rest time on the horizon. Sometimes, I like to do 'just holding on until... and then I can rest' but I don't really have anything like that coming up in the forseeable future so I just have to keep rolling with it for as long as I can.
Blogging is good therapy.
Bed time, I'm up at 6am for the long drive to work!
♒♒♒♒♒♒♒♒♒♒♒♒
Monday, 19 October 2015
Tuesday, 13 October 2015
The number one dream: Swimming with Sharks
I have no idea how to do this post justice or what words to write here. Saturday was quite literally the best day of my life! Everyone has one thing that they want to do above all else. If you could wish for one thing, what would it be? I'm incredibly lucky, because on Saturday mine came true and I swam with sharks.
When I was 14, and spent all of my time in bed or hospital feeling extremely poorly I made a list of things that I wanted to do. It was sort of the opposite of a bucket list because it was things that I really wanted to get better and do. Some of the things on my list were as simple as going out with friends and I also had going on holiday, learning to walk again, getting my GCSE's, A-Levels, a degree (nearly there!), skydiving, going to Blue Planet. At the very top of my list was swimming with sharks. It was my absolute dream because I loved sharks. I would watch documentaries and youtube videos and read magazines all day and through the night when I was unwell. It started as something therapeutic, because, you know, sea is relaxing. And then just developed into a real interest and love for sharks. I joined the Sharks Trust and loads of people sent me videos of their captures swimming with all different kinds of sharks and relayed their stories to me and I couldn't get enough. I would always talk about swimming with them and people would say 'you wouldn't really do it though would you? Would you really do it?'
Yes - I would really do it and I would give my left leg (to the shark, obviously) to do it. If I could go back to my(younger)self, struggling through a rough night of being ill, with sharks on my TV, dosing in and out and show myself what happened on Saturday - I don't even know what I would have done.
It was touch and go up to the last minute, as head and safety decided to enter the occasion only four days before and request a doctors note if it were to go ahead. The lovely Steve, our favourite shark keeper, kept us in an 'unofficial slot' and said it was ours whether we used it or not, and if not he'd open up a new slot as soon as we had the go ahead. He was an absolute knight in shining armour and we wouldn't have even been in that tank if it wasn't for all his efforts. So, at the final hour Dr Jones and his secretary got all the relevant paperwork signed and whizzed it over to us in time for the dive! As soon as that was through, I could relax and look forward.
I was pretty tired the night before as I'd been at the PORT charity day but I was SO excited that I still struggled to sleep all night. The same goes for nights since - my brain has just been too buzzing from it all to switch off. We arrived nice and early, because... we were ready nice and early, obviously and went for a look round the Sealife Centre before our dive. It was really busy, as it was when we did our feed a few weeks ago, and so it was difficult to get round it properly. It's always busy this time of year because the illuminations are on, and with it being cold people who holiday in Blackpool want to do indoorsy things.
Anyway, we met Steve 15 minutes before we were due in, changed into our wetsuits and then headed through to the enclosure. I don't think I have ever climbed into cold water so quickly. The whole experience went so quick but I was absolutely ecstatic from start to finish. I wish I could breathe underwater because coming up for air was such a distraction. I was rubbish at holding my breath and got out of breath really quickly which meant I had to catch my breath before going down again but oh my word, what an incredible experience I had. Seeing the sharks so close - they came right up to the net - was absolutely breathtaking (y'know, if I wasn't already holding my breath). Seeing them up close is such a different experience to seeing them through the glass. The feel of them brushing past and the waves and vibrations of them being right there, in the same water as me. It was so amazing. Boris the bowmouth shark was absolutely enormous and extremely curious. I think seeing him up close was my favourite part, and I think I'm going to say the bowmouth might be my new favourite shark. Most people only get 15 minutes on the swimming experience but Steve had given us a special slot and we were allowed to stay in for 40 minutes! I really don't know where the time went - it was the most amazing 40 minutes of my life. All that I imagined and more and I am even more in love with sharks than I ever was. If you ever get the opportunity, please do it - you will not regret it. The sharks are really graceful, and curious things and it is such an awesome thing to do.
By the time our 40 minutes was up, I was absolutely freezing but I still did not want to get out. When Steve said that the next bunch of swimmers would be arriving soon Sam and I took a big breath and went and sat on the bottom of the cage one last time - I held my breath for as long as I possibly could and tried to savour every view of the tank and all the sharks. It was absolutely wonderful.
When I got out, Mum kept asking me - 'What next?' - well it's going to take some topping, that's for sure. It doesn't matter so much what is next, because right now I am the happiest, luckiest girl in the world. I've achieved my biggest dream and there really is no better feeling - there isn't really anywhere you can go from there. It's just the best place to be. I haven't stopped watching the videos and looking at the pictures and I've just generally been trying to relive it all every moment since then.
I really do wish I could show 14 year old me these pictures because I would have cried. Here is a short video that my Grandad took from the shark tunnel. I love the moment where my Grandma tells a stranger 'That's my Grandaughter! And her boyfriend!'
On Friday I went to a PORT charity day - the amazing charity that Sam and I fund raised for back in July - and I got to meet lots of lovely new people suffering from rare bowel disorders like me. There are only a small handful of us and there was a wonderful atmosphere of understanding and empathy. Everyone in the room knew themselves or had witnessed what it was like to be 'someone like me'. I had gone down on my own, with an early morning and some stressful trains and so I was a little tired and didn't manage to get round and socialise as much as I would have liked but it was still really great to be a part of their first education and support day and it was also wonderful to meet Sue, who runs the charity and also Adam and Lesley, who I've known for about 7 years but never met. The talks given by the consultants were really good and informative and I learned an awful lot from the day. Sue put a huge amount of work into organising it, so I'm sure she was relieved to have a 'sit down' when it was all over but it really paid off and it was a very successful day! I hope there is another one again at some point.
I had a rest day on Sunday as the horse riding was booked up - we're now going on Wednesday. It was a much needed rest day though as I was absolutely exhausted. Sam and I went into Southport to pick up some 'gender specific' (Shhh!) items for Emily's baby from click&collect and we had a little mooch around the shops. I picked up an enormous batch of soup from Sophie who has basically, been providing all of my food since I went liquid and it is delicious.
I've stayed in Ormskirk the past few days and commuted to work which in some ways was easier because it meant I wasn't living out a bag for two days, and some ways more tiring because... early mornings. I'm exhausted now. Beyond shattered. This actually seems to be the way I end most of my blog posts - y'know, just writing about how tired I am. I have loads of uni work to get done so I am going to try and rest and get that done this week. I'm in lectures tomorrow 9-1 and then I have the afternoon off so I plan to do nothing and catch up on all my uni work. For now though, bed time! Night night! xx
It was touch and go up to the last minute, as head and safety decided to enter the occasion only four days before and request a doctors note if it were to go ahead. The lovely Steve, our favourite shark keeper, kept us in an 'unofficial slot' and said it was ours whether we used it or not, and if not he'd open up a new slot as soon as we had the go ahead. He was an absolute knight in shining armour and we wouldn't have even been in that tank if it wasn't for all his efforts. So, at the final hour Dr Jones and his secretary got all the relevant paperwork signed and whizzed it over to us in time for the dive! As soon as that was through, I could relax and look forward.
I was pretty tired the night before as I'd been at the PORT charity day but I was SO excited that I still struggled to sleep all night. The same goes for nights since - my brain has just been too buzzing from it all to switch off. We arrived nice and early, because... we were ready nice and early, obviously and went for a look round the Sealife Centre before our dive. It was really busy, as it was when we did our feed a few weeks ago, and so it was difficult to get round it properly. It's always busy this time of year because the illuminations are on, and with it being cold people who holiday in Blackpool want to do indoorsy things.
Anyway, we met Steve 15 minutes before we were due in, changed into our wetsuits and then headed through to the enclosure. I don't think I have ever climbed into cold water so quickly. The whole experience went so quick but I was absolutely ecstatic from start to finish. I wish I could breathe underwater because coming up for air was such a distraction. I was rubbish at holding my breath and got out of breath really quickly which meant I had to catch my breath before going down again but oh my word, what an incredible experience I had. Seeing the sharks so close - they came right up to the net - was absolutely breathtaking (y'know, if I wasn't already holding my breath). Seeing them up close is such a different experience to seeing them through the glass. The feel of them brushing past and the waves and vibrations of them being right there, in the same water as me. It was so amazing. Boris the bowmouth shark was absolutely enormous and extremely curious. I think seeing him up close was my favourite part, and I think I'm going to say the bowmouth might be my new favourite shark. Most people only get 15 minutes on the swimming experience but Steve had given us a special slot and we were allowed to stay in for 40 minutes! I really don't know where the time went - it was the most amazing 40 minutes of my life. All that I imagined and more and I am even more in love with sharks than I ever was. If you ever get the opportunity, please do it - you will not regret it. The sharks are really graceful, and curious things and it is such an awesome thing to do.
By the time our 40 minutes was up, I was absolutely freezing but I still did not want to get out. When Steve said that the next bunch of swimmers would be arriving soon Sam and I took a big breath and went and sat on the bottom of the cage one last time - I held my breath for as long as I possibly could and tried to savour every view of the tank and all the sharks. It was absolutely wonderful.
When I got out, Mum kept asking me - 'What next?' - well it's going to take some topping, that's for sure. It doesn't matter so much what is next, because right now I am the happiest, luckiest girl in the world. I've achieved my biggest dream and there really is no better feeling - there isn't really anywhere you can go from there. It's just the best place to be. I haven't stopped watching the videos and looking at the pictures and I've just generally been trying to relive it all every moment since then.
I really do wish I could show 14 year old me these pictures because I would have cried. Here is a short video that my Grandad took from the shark tunnel. I love the moment where my Grandma tells a stranger 'That's my Grandaughter! And her boyfriend!'
On Friday I went to a PORT charity day - the amazing charity that Sam and I fund raised for back in July - and I got to meet lots of lovely new people suffering from rare bowel disorders like me. There are only a small handful of us and there was a wonderful atmosphere of understanding and empathy. Everyone in the room knew themselves or had witnessed what it was like to be 'someone like me'. I had gone down on my own, with an early morning and some stressful trains and so I was a little tired and didn't manage to get round and socialise as much as I would have liked but it was still really great to be a part of their first education and support day and it was also wonderful to meet Sue, who runs the charity and also Adam and Lesley, who I've known for about 7 years but never met. The talks given by the consultants were really good and informative and I learned an awful lot from the day. Sue put a huge amount of work into organising it, so I'm sure she was relieved to have a 'sit down' when it was all over but it really paid off and it was a very successful day! I hope there is another one again at some point.
I had a rest day on Sunday as the horse riding was booked up - we're now going on Wednesday. It was a much needed rest day though as I was absolutely exhausted. Sam and I went into Southport to pick up some 'gender specific' (Shhh!) items for Emily's baby from click&collect and we had a little mooch around the shops. I picked up an enormous batch of soup from Sophie who has basically, been providing all of my food since I went liquid and it is delicious.
I've stayed in Ormskirk the past few days and commuted to work which in some ways was easier because it meant I wasn't living out a bag for two days, and some ways more tiring because... early mornings. I'm exhausted now. Beyond shattered. This actually seems to be the way I end most of my blog posts - y'know, just writing about how tired I am. I have loads of uni work to get done so I am going to try and rest and get that done this week. I'm in lectures tomorrow 9-1 and then I have the afternoon off so I plan to do nothing and catch up on all my uni work. For now though, bed time! Night night! xx
Monday, 5 October 2015
Third year starts here...
This week was my first week of third year lectures. Both modules that I picked for this semester seem interesting so far, I've just got to see if my enthusiasm holds out for 9 more months. I've picked Language and Gender, which I have on a Wednesday morning and Forensic Linguistics which I have on Friday in the morning for an hour and then a four hour gap (?!?!?!?!) and then back in again in the afternoon for another three hours.
I think out of the three years, third year had the most interesting modules to choose from. Next semester (that starts in January), I'll be doing Psycholinguistics and TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages) which I'm also looking forward to. I'm also hopefully going to start volunteering at a school all day on Thursday meaning I'll be busy every single day of the week which is probably going to be quite hard work. Hopefully it will be fun though and I'll enjoy it. I'm definitely going to have to work extra hard to get through this year! I'm already feeling pretty tired after my first week of working and uni so I'm tucked up in my bed writing my blog and watching The Big Bang Theory with the cat. #YOLO
So, I'll just catch up on this week. I travelled back to uni straight from work on Tuesday. I left work an hour early because there was a introduction soirée thing on Tuesday that everyone on the course was invited to. I also found out via email a few hours before that I got the highest mark on the course last year. And so for that, I won a Waterstones voucher and I've already treated myself to this cute little mini book lamp.
I went a pretty funky shade of red when I received it, but it was really nice to win something. I was exhausted after last year, but I think everybody was!
During the week, when I wasn't in uni, I had a pretty quiet time (I needed it) and even stayed in when the girls went out on Wednesday night because I was so tired. I dropped off a car of drunks at the SU bar and totally felt like their Mum... or Gran.
My gappy Friday turned out ok because I went to the new Starbucks in town and drank coffee and did some reading and then I went back to the house, rested and did some more reading with the radio on. It was actually quite a manageable day. The break was good because it wasn't really long enough to do anything proper so it forced me to rest, which is something that I just don't get to do (as much as I like to talk and tweet about sleep/rest all the time, it really is just a distant dream!)
This weekend I went on a really lovely ramble with Irwin and Sammy. We found a ramble online in 'Churchtown' that we thought we'd do, but when we put it in the satnav we realised it wasn't the local Churchtown. How can there be two Churchtowns in the PR postcode? So, instead we went for a roam around Formby - through the forest, climbed the sand dunes (my favourite thing ever since I was about 10) and had a little paddle in the sea. Started and finished with a brew in our favourite Formby pub!
On Saturday night we went for a meal at our favourite restaurant, Villaggio Cucina, with friends and then we went to see the Musical Fireworks in Southport (which we've now seen 3 years in a row - Sam probably even longer. I highly recommend them but don't pay to get in! You can see and hear perfectly from Rotten Row) and finished the night off with a drink in the new gin bar. I ate a little bit of gluten free pizza which is the first solid meal that I've had in over a month and I suffered quite a bit during the night and I'm only just starting to recover. So that has sucked a bit. But apart from that the fireworks were great and it was a really good night with friends.
Sunday wasn't too exciting; we went to Church in the morning and then to see Sam's sister who had hurt her back earlier in the morning. So we took her sunflowers and Maltesers, because that is obviously the best thing for it! Get well soon Emily!
Back to work again today and I'm so bloody tired. I'm probably going to go to bed right now. On Friday I'm going to be going to a PORT education and support day in London at The Wingate Institute of Neurogastroenterology. There's going to be lots of other people 'like me' there, so it will be nice to get to meet them. It will be especially nice to meet the lovely Sue who co-runs the PORT charity which Sam and I raised funds for with our sponsored run - the day has been funded and organised by the charity and is going to be wonderful and special opportunity for sufferers of these rare conditions. I'll blog all about that when I'm back and recovered. I'll also hopefully be blogging about my shark dive (!!! YES !!!) which, fingers crossed, all goes ahead on Saturday and horse riding with the girls on Sunday - I'm going to be shattered!
Goodnight! xx
Monday, 28 September 2015
Keeping busy and achieving my biggest wish list tick!
It's been nearly two whole weeks since I've made a blog entry! I would say that I don't know where the time has gone but I've been so busy moving back to uni and keeping busy that I haven't had time to write it all down. Ideally, I would have liked to stick all this in a few different posts but lets just get up to date.
I'm feeling a little tired and un-eloquent today. Struggling to find words and write - not in an emotional way, just in an 'it's Monday' kind of way. So please excuse me if this just dribbles out my fingers and everything sounds a bit bland. This English student is clearly not ready to go back!
Southport Airshow
Last Sunday, Sammy and I, along with Sam's Dad went along to the Southport Airshow. Living on the coast, with Warton BAE and Blackpool airshow on my doorstep I've grown up with fighter planes whizzing over all hours of the day and night but in all my life I've never actually been to any of the airshows. This was a first. I really was not expecting it to be so exciting. It was a real thrill when the red arrows first emerged from behind us as we sat on the hill and they soared right over our heads.
The commentary was really interesting and my mind was well and truly blown when I realised that they were radioing down some of the commentary from the actual planes themselves as the leader of the arrows gave the commands and instructions to the other planes. It's amazing how they can fly so close to one another in such a tight flawless formation.
I'm not entirely sure of all the names of the planes that we saw, but it was quite exciting to watch a mock up sea rescue up close and it was also fun to watch the paratroopers sky dive onto the beach - it brought back memories of when I did my dive over three whole years ago. Sam took all of these pictures, because my camera phone is cack.
I got really cold and started to feel a bit unwell after a couple of hours so we didn't get to see all of the show and we missed the 'beach bombing' finale which was disappointing but I still had a really good day. I'm not sure if it was the cold making me feel so unwell or if it was just 'me'.
Back to uni
I was in work on Monday and Tuesday as usual and then on Tuesday night straight from work, I headed back to uni, with only a couple of bags in my car! I didn't bring a great deal back home with me when I came back to work for the summer, just a few shirts and jumpers that I thought might be useful to wear at work so I didn't really have very much to take back other than electronics like my laptops, chargers and some stationary that I had bought for back to uni. I wasn't actually in uni last week but I took the opportunity to see the girls and get some dissertation reading done.
On Thursday Irwin, Meggy B and I had a girly shopping trip to Liverpool which was really nice. We had a mooch and I treated myself to some new sports leggings for the gym, a cheap necklace from Primark and I also bought some presents for a certain upcoming birthday that I will be travelling back down south again for! Sam and I are very excited for this!
On Thursday night the girls had planned to go out to one of the freshers events - the paint party - but obviously got jealous of mine and Sam's pyjama and duvet party and we all stayed in and had a cosy night watching Mean Girls.
Another excellent film for Netflickers to check out is 'Oz The Great and Powerful' which Irwin and I watched in bed completely captivated on Wednesday night. It's a prequel to the Wizard of Oz starring the extremely beautiful James Franco [swoon] and I highly recommend it. Even though it's on Netflix, I think I am going to have to buy a copy for my DVD shelf!
It was good to be back with the girls, because I've missed them quite a lot and it just felt like a mad (but great) sort of normality was coming back to my life. It's our last year together, which we don't really like to think about so we have to make the most of it. I know we are all going to find it very difficult to move away from each other after we've spent the best part of three years, and also many of our term holidays together. We're all very close which is good because it's given my time at uni a good deal of stability since we've all been together since the start. This has definitely made my university experience a good deal easier in terms of the social aspects of living with stripes.
The Sharks
I don't really know how to give justice to the enormity of this part of the post. Many of you will know that I love sharks. I mean I really really love sharks. If everyone has a 'geeky' interest - mine is sharks. I think my love of sharks came about in the same way as the rest of the wacky items on my wish list (such as my wish to sky dive, completed in 2012) - from watching 'Jack Osbourne: Adrenaline Junkie' when I was bed bound and too sick to do anything except watch TV and think about all the things I'd want to do one day. The interest started with devouring all the shark Youtube videos, progressed to collecting National Geographic, shark week and David Attenborough books and DVDs, then I joined the Sharks trust, adopted a basking shark and then set my mind to it that I would swim with them. It was the one thing that was right at the top. If I had an end goal in mind, besides learning to walk again and being able to go to college/university and live independently it always came back to getting up and close with a shark.
I think the first time I left the house in maybe 6 months or more was with Laura to Blue Planet aquarium. That was the first step towards the dream. It was always Blue Planet that I was going to go to first - it was the most important thing to me if I was going to go anywhere and as soon as I was ready, Laura was ready to take me! We were probably about 15 years old and Laura took me in my wheelchair. I remember sitting by the massive window for absolutely ages just watching the huge sand-tiger sharks swim across the front. I knew you could dive with them at Blue Planet and it would have been so exciting to see someone get in with them that day but we didn't. The story that we always like to tell about our trip to Blue Planet (unrelated to the sharks) is when we went through the shark tunnel. You can walk through on the path (like sensible people) or you can go on the conveyor belt (like people unsensible people with a wheelchair). Now I think about it, I have absolutely no idea how Laura got me onto the conveyor belt, because that part of the story has been completely neglected thanks to how it ended. Basically, there is a red barrier, where you get off... or get sucked under the floor to meet your doom. 15 year old, 5 foot small Laura could not get my wheelchair off the conveyor belt as we got nearer and nearer the barrier which caused me to dive bomb out of it and the wheelchair ended up going through the red barrier. We also got stuck inside a rollercoaster simulator that day. So it was an interesting first trip out!
Anyway, that day was pretty big and pretty exciting and I ticked off seeing really big ones up close (I'd never seen Sand Tigers or any sharks that big before). It was amazing!
Earlier in the year Becca, Irwin and I went to the Sea Life Centre in Blackpool and we noticed that they were advertising a snorkelling with sharks experience and I was really excited! I decided that I would definitely be doing this!
In July, on my birthday Sam gave me a wonderful box of presents and I opened all my lovely gifts. At the end he handed me a final rather light parcel. I unwrapped it and was rather puzzled to find a bag of brown pellets. As Sam does he just stares me out and gives me absolutely no explanation for ages. Eventually he explained that we would be going to feed the sharks at the Sea Life Centre and I was absolutely ECSTATIC! I found out that Sam had enquired about snorkelling with the sharks and found a list of cans and cants - he found that my feeding tube/stoma fell into a bit of a grey area on what was considered a 'wound'. He sent an email and was given the response that I couldn't do it. When he told me this, I sent my own email just to doubley, trippley check that there was definitely no chance of me getting in with them. With my TPN at Salford on the horizon I know that it will soon be a clear categorical NO for swimming with them so I was desperate to find out really soon if there was any chance that I could snorkel but unfortunately I didn't have a response and so Sam and I just went ahead and booked a feed because I knew that either way, feeding them would be an absolute dream!
So, Saturday was the big day and we booked in to give them their afternoon feed! There was only me and Sam feeding them and we met up with a really cool 'shark man' called Steve who was awesome throughout the whole feed. He showed us some of the fish in the breeding programmes as we passed through the back to the shark enclosure and in one of the tubs was a baby ZEBRA SHARK of all things! This was obviously the icing on my cake and it was such a cute little thing swimming about the tank. She was probably about 30-40cm in length but Steve said that she would eventually grow to 3 metres! I can't wait to go and see her when she gets big enough to go in the shark enclosure - she will definitely be the star attraction!
Steve fed his favourite fish, Napoleon the Humphead Wrasse which was so cool to watch and then passed me a fish and let me hand feed the enormous Gary the Grouper fish! He was massive and it was only after that Steve told me that Gary once took hold of his entire arm when he was hand feeding him - he clarified that yes, it hurt. Gary was very lovely though and showed no interest in my arm.
After that we took some big poles and put some fish on the end and we got to feed the black tip (Boris), white tips (Willy and Wonka - Wonka has a wonky fin) and the nurse sharks. Some of the sharks were quite rough on the pole as they tried to take their fish - at times I thought I might inadvertently get to swim with them after all. Down below the enclosure in the tunnel, we waved at all the spectators and felt dead special whilst a talk was given on the sharks and their feeding regime. Steve was so awesome all the way through and really made sure we had a wicked time and got to see and do everything that we possibly could - I think he might have liked sharks more than I do because he seemed so excited to show us everything which made our experience really special. Sam told him about how much I wanted to swim with the sharks and Steve offered to make his own enquiries to see if he could take me in the snorkelling net himself. He said he couldn't make any promises but I'm keeping everything crossed that I can get to do this before I go in for TPN!
It was definitely the best experience I have had to date and I cannot believe how close I was to the sharks! They were absolutely amazing and as corny as it sounds this was definitely a dream come true!
Harvest Festival
On Friday night, we went to Morrisons to buy some food for our Harvest Festival and church. It seems weird to say that shopping for Harvest was fun and I could have just kept on going through the shop chucking things into the trolley. Shopping for myself is so much effort. First it has to be liquid or possible to liquidise, then it has to be free from all my allergens. It's usually boring and most things I pick up have to go back on the shelf. When I shop for food for Sam, he usually chooses it, so that isn't the same. This time I picked things up, chose them myself and put them in the trolley! The only restriction was that it had to be non-perishable.
Harvest Festival was wonderful and I haven't done it since I was maybe 11, so it was lovely to get involved again and see a church full of people bringing their goodies and being so selfless. All the food that was collected went to Southport Foodbank which is obviously an excellent cause. It's so wrong that there are people going hungry so close to home (it's wrong that anyone should go hungry, near or far). I have a physical impairment which makes eating food tricky, but when I'm not getting enough nutrition, help is readily available and it can be given through my tube or in hospital. Due to my condition, my nutrition is so closely monitored and is readily available for me in a bag and yet there are healthy people going hungry right around the corner. It was really good to be able to give some food to the cause and I hope that someone enjoys the goodies that Sam and I chose for our box. Coincidently our box was an empty Nutricia box (what my feed comes in) so I like to think that I was literally passing the food parcel along!
That brings us up to date now. I just have tomorrow in work, and then I'm leaving work to get to Uni for 5pm for third year introduction and refreshments!
Hope you all had a lovely Harvest and good luck to all the freshers starting university as well as those who are going into their second year (it all counts now guys!) and third and final year! Especially good luck to those who are doing dissertations - may your creative juices now flow!
Lots of love to all x
I'm feeling a little tired and un-eloquent today. Struggling to find words and write - not in an emotional way, just in an 'it's Monday' kind of way. So please excuse me if this just dribbles out my fingers and everything sounds a bit bland. This English student is clearly not ready to go back!
Southport Airshow
Last Sunday, Sammy and I, along with Sam's Dad went along to the Southport Airshow. Living on the coast, with Warton BAE and Blackpool airshow on my doorstep I've grown up with fighter planes whizzing over all hours of the day and night but in all my life I've never actually been to any of the airshows. This was a first. I really was not expecting it to be so exciting. It was a real thrill when the red arrows first emerged from behind us as we sat on the hill and they soared right over our heads.
The commentary was really interesting and my mind was well and truly blown when I realised that they were radioing down some of the commentary from the actual planes themselves as the leader of the arrows gave the commands and instructions to the other planes. It's amazing how they can fly so close to one another in such a tight flawless formation.
I'm not entirely sure of all the names of the planes that we saw, but it was quite exciting to watch a mock up sea rescue up close and it was also fun to watch the paratroopers sky dive onto the beach - it brought back memories of when I did my dive over three whole years ago. Sam took all of these pictures, because my camera phone is cack.
I got really cold and started to feel a bit unwell after a couple of hours so we didn't get to see all of the show and we missed the 'beach bombing' finale which was disappointing but I still had a really good day. I'm not sure if it was the cold making me feel so unwell or if it was just 'me'.
Back to uni
I was in work on Monday and Tuesday as usual and then on Tuesday night straight from work, I headed back to uni, with only a couple of bags in my car! I didn't bring a great deal back home with me when I came back to work for the summer, just a few shirts and jumpers that I thought might be useful to wear at work so I didn't really have very much to take back other than electronics like my laptops, chargers and some stationary that I had bought for back to uni. I wasn't actually in uni last week but I took the opportunity to see the girls and get some dissertation reading done.
On Thursday Irwin, Meggy B and I had a girly shopping trip to Liverpool which was really nice. We had a mooch and I treated myself to some new sports leggings for the gym, a cheap necklace from Primark and I also bought some presents for a certain upcoming birthday that I will be travelling back down south again for! Sam and I are very excited for this!
On Thursday night the girls had planned to go out to one of the freshers events - the paint party - but obviously got jealous of mine and Sam's pyjama and duvet party and we all stayed in and had a cosy night watching Mean Girls.
Another excellent film for Netflickers to check out is 'Oz The Great and Powerful' which Irwin and I watched in bed completely captivated on Wednesday night. It's a prequel to the Wizard of Oz starring the extremely beautiful James Franco [swoon] and I highly recommend it. Even though it's on Netflix, I think I am going to have to buy a copy for my DVD shelf!
It was good to be back with the girls, because I've missed them quite a lot and it just felt like a mad (but great) sort of normality was coming back to my life. It's our last year together, which we don't really like to think about so we have to make the most of it. I know we are all going to find it very difficult to move away from each other after we've spent the best part of three years, and also many of our term holidays together. We're all very close which is good because it's given my time at uni a good deal of stability since we've all been together since the start. This has definitely made my university experience a good deal easier in terms of the social aspects of living with stripes.
The Sharks
I don't really know how to give justice to the enormity of this part of the post. Many of you will know that I love sharks. I mean I really really love sharks. If everyone has a 'geeky' interest - mine is sharks. I think my love of sharks came about in the same way as the rest of the wacky items on my wish list (such as my wish to sky dive, completed in 2012) - from watching 'Jack Osbourne: Adrenaline Junkie' when I was bed bound and too sick to do anything except watch TV and think about all the things I'd want to do one day. The interest started with devouring all the shark Youtube videos, progressed to collecting National Geographic, shark week and David Attenborough books and DVDs, then I joined the Sharks trust, adopted a basking shark and then set my mind to it that I would swim with them. It was the one thing that was right at the top. If I had an end goal in mind, besides learning to walk again and being able to go to college/university and live independently it always came back to getting up and close with a shark.
I think the first time I left the house in maybe 6 months or more was with Laura to Blue Planet aquarium. That was the first step towards the dream. It was always Blue Planet that I was going to go to first - it was the most important thing to me if I was going to go anywhere and as soon as I was ready, Laura was ready to take me! We were probably about 15 years old and Laura took me in my wheelchair. I remember sitting by the massive window for absolutely ages just watching the huge sand-tiger sharks swim across the front. I knew you could dive with them at Blue Planet and it would have been so exciting to see someone get in with them that day but we didn't. The story that we always like to tell about our trip to Blue Planet (unrelated to the sharks) is when we went through the shark tunnel. You can walk through on the path (like sensible people) or you can go on the conveyor belt (like people unsensible people with a wheelchair). Now I think about it, I have absolutely no idea how Laura got me onto the conveyor belt, because that part of the story has been completely neglected thanks to how it ended. Basically, there is a red barrier, where you get off... or get sucked under the floor to meet your doom. 15 year old, 5 foot small Laura could not get my wheelchair off the conveyor belt as we got nearer and nearer the barrier which caused me to dive bomb out of it and the wheelchair ended up going through the red barrier. We also got stuck inside a rollercoaster simulator that day. So it was an interesting first trip out!
Anyway, that day was pretty big and pretty exciting and I ticked off seeing really big ones up close (I'd never seen Sand Tigers or any sharks that big before). It was amazing!
Earlier in the year Becca, Irwin and I went to the Sea Life Centre in Blackpool and we noticed that they were advertising a snorkelling with sharks experience and I was really excited! I decided that I would definitely be doing this!
In July, on my birthday Sam gave me a wonderful box of presents and I opened all my lovely gifts. At the end he handed me a final rather light parcel. I unwrapped it and was rather puzzled to find a bag of brown pellets. As Sam does he just stares me out and gives me absolutely no explanation for ages. Eventually he explained that we would be going to feed the sharks at the Sea Life Centre and I was absolutely ECSTATIC! I found out that Sam had enquired about snorkelling with the sharks and found a list of cans and cants - he found that my feeding tube/stoma fell into a bit of a grey area on what was considered a 'wound'. He sent an email and was given the response that I couldn't do it. When he told me this, I sent my own email just to doubley, trippley check that there was definitely no chance of me getting in with them. With my TPN at Salford on the horizon I know that it will soon be a clear categorical NO for swimming with them so I was desperate to find out really soon if there was any chance that I could snorkel but unfortunately I didn't have a response and so Sam and I just went ahead and booked a feed because I knew that either way, feeding them would be an absolute dream!
So, Saturday was the big day and we booked in to give them their afternoon feed! There was only me and Sam feeding them and we met up with a really cool 'shark man' called Steve who was awesome throughout the whole feed. He showed us some of the fish in the breeding programmes as we passed through the back to the shark enclosure and in one of the tubs was a baby ZEBRA SHARK of all things! This was obviously the icing on my cake and it was such a cute little thing swimming about the tank. She was probably about 30-40cm in length but Steve said that she would eventually grow to 3 metres! I can't wait to go and see her when she gets big enough to go in the shark enclosure - she will definitely be the star attraction!
Steve fed his favourite fish, Napoleon the Humphead Wrasse which was so cool to watch and then passed me a fish and let me hand feed the enormous Gary the Grouper fish! He was massive and it was only after that Steve told me that Gary once took hold of his entire arm when he was hand feeding him - he clarified that yes, it hurt. Gary was very lovely though and showed no interest in my arm.
After that we took some big poles and put some fish on the end and we got to feed the black tip (Boris), white tips (Willy and Wonka - Wonka has a wonky fin) and the nurse sharks. Some of the sharks were quite rough on the pole as they tried to take their fish - at times I thought I might inadvertently get to swim with them after all. Down below the enclosure in the tunnel, we waved at all the spectators and felt dead special whilst a talk was given on the sharks and their feeding regime. Steve was so awesome all the way through and really made sure we had a wicked time and got to see and do everything that we possibly could - I think he might have liked sharks more than I do because he seemed so excited to show us everything which made our experience really special. Sam told him about how much I wanted to swim with the sharks and Steve offered to make his own enquiries to see if he could take me in the snorkelling net himself. He said he couldn't make any promises but I'm keeping everything crossed that I can get to do this before I go in for TPN!
It was definitely the best experience I have had to date and I cannot believe how close I was to the sharks! They were absolutely amazing and as corny as it sounds this was definitely a dream come true!
 |
| You can't him see here, but I'm actually hand feeding Gary the Grouper! |
 |
| Steve feeding Napoleon |
 |
| Feeding the nurse shark (one was called Spot and I can't remember the name of the other one) and Boris the black tip! |
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| Sammy waiting for a shark to take his fish |
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| Sammy treated me to this cute shark mug from the gift shop at the end of the day and I have been enjoying my tea from it! |
On Friday night, we went to Morrisons to buy some food for our Harvest Festival and church. It seems weird to say that shopping for Harvest was fun and I could have just kept on going through the shop chucking things into the trolley. Shopping for myself is so much effort. First it has to be liquid or possible to liquidise, then it has to be free from all my allergens. It's usually boring and most things I pick up have to go back on the shelf. When I shop for food for Sam, he usually chooses it, so that isn't the same. This time I picked things up, chose them myself and put them in the trolley! The only restriction was that it had to be non-perishable.
Harvest Festival was wonderful and I haven't done it since I was maybe 11, so it was lovely to get involved again and see a church full of people bringing their goodies and being so selfless. All the food that was collected went to Southport Foodbank which is obviously an excellent cause. It's so wrong that there are people going hungry so close to home (it's wrong that anyone should go hungry, near or far). I have a physical impairment which makes eating food tricky, but when I'm not getting enough nutrition, help is readily available and it can be given through my tube or in hospital. Due to my condition, my nutrition is so closely monitored and is readily available for me in a bag and yet there are healthy people going hungry right around the corner. It was really good to be able to give some food to the cause and I hope that someone enjoys the goodies that Sam and I chose for our box. Coincidently our box was an empty Nutricia box (what my feed comes in) so I like to think that I was literally passing the food parcel along!
That brings us up to date now. I just have tomorrow in work, and then I'm leaving work to get to Uni for 5pm for third year introduction and refreshments!
Hope you all had a lovely Harvest and good luck to all the freshers starting university as well as those who are going into their second year (it all counts now guys!) and third and final year! Especially good luck to those who are doing dissertations - may your creative juices now flow!
Lots of love to all x
Tuesday, 15 September 2015
Recharging my Stripes - quality time with quality friends
I have definitely benefited from my first week of part time work. For a while I've felt like I've just not been able to recharge my batteries. The week I had off in Scotland is literally the only week I've had off since I went back to University last September. And before that I worked all summer; before that I was at uni all year. I can imagine it sounds lazy to say I'm using these days off as 'bed days' where I can, and even to myself this sounds non too productive. But when you're living your life on borrowed/imaginary/non-existent spoons, bed days are really productive in earning those spoons back. I'm going to talk about the much needed recharge time I've been having and I'm also going to get a bit sentimental and talk about the importance of good friends when you're a Zebra.
For my first day off, I rested. I had a big bath and I went for a short walk to town in the sunshine. I spent the rest of the day chilling out, replying to letters and putting together some notes for Mum and Nigel's trip to London. I felt good for it. That was Tuesday, because last week I had Tuesday off. I went back to work on Wednesday and felt better.
Thursday - Michelle
On Thursday I had another lie in and drip fed some more spoons into the Royal Bank of Spoonage. In the afternoon I had a lovely day in Hale with my friend Michelle. I spent 6 weeks in hospital with Michelle last year - not only did we stay in the same building for 6 weeks but we stayed in the same room with little more than a few feet between us the whole time. We were both really, really sick at the time. I think I can speak for both of us in saying that we have seen each other at our very worst. We've kept in close contact since discharge and met up a few times, at first just chilling out and watching TV at Michelle's and then venturing out as we've both regained our strength - and it's taken time for both of us.
It's really good to go and see Michelle and we can talk about 'that time' now it's behind us - and we talked about it a lot! Sometimes it made us laugh and sometimes it made us sick. I've made a really good friend in Michelle. You don't always get the best residents when you spend time in an open ward (there were four beds and Michelle and I were opposite each other so she was stuck looking at my face all day - poor girl!) but Michelle is definitely the best resident and she was a great roomy all the way through. I really missed her at first when I was discharged because she'd been there all day every day for a month and a half and it was weird that she wasn't any more. We'd wake up in the night, have our obs done and then just leave our lights on and end up talking for another hour before we fell back asleep. We were both often ill in the night as well so it was good to have someone there casually going through the same thing and we'd just keep each other company. She spent MUCH longer on the ward than I did and remained there for another 2 months after I was discharged. Recovering from a dip when you have a chronic illness is such a shlep!
So, on Thursday I went to Michelle's and we went to a few cafés in Hale and spotted Michael Le Vell (aka, Kevin Webster) who was in Costa and just had a day of leisure. It was good to chill out and do something nice with a bit of spare time and a bit of energy. And it was nice to spend time with Michelle not in a hospital whilst we were both feeling 'ok' and both looking a little more alive.
Friday - Laura
On Friday I travelled down to Ellesmere Port to see Laura. Laura is my longest and probably closest friend. I met Laura as I was on my downwards spiral near the beginning of my illness. We were both young (Laura was 12 and I was 13) and yet she stuck by me completely unphased by everything that was happening. She lived about a 90 minute drive away but she spoke to me for hours every day and spent many weekends travelling down to see me. Often she would take a three hour round trip to come and see me for only a short time because that was all I could manage and she never ever gave up on me. Despite being stuck in my bedroom we had the best time. For two years I spent my time with very few visitors - people lose interest when you're ill, or they put off seeing you because they don't know what to say. Then one day, they don't know you any more. But Laura always made me feel like none of my crap was there. Even though I didn't know her until I was already sick she somehow still saw the person I was without my illness - the person I'd been before all of this. She preserved my sanity and I never got depressed. She's still here now and she is probably the only person in the world who I can talk to honestly and without any sort of filter. And I do, all the time. She makes me feel like my problems matter and at the same never says 'poor you' or makes me feel pathetic, however pathetic my problems are. I think good friends stand the test of time and ten years later, we're still just the same as we ever were. I'm proper lucky to have found this one.
On Friday Laura is going to Australia for three months to work in the Psychology department at a University and get work experience in a field that she's already worked so hard to get into. She deserves this more than anyone because she has worked so bloody hard and she is such a wonderful person. So last Friday was the last time I will see her now until she gets back in December, but I'm sure we'll keep each other updated on our every move as we always have.
So, last Friday Laura and I went to Chester Zoo. It was a really sunny day and we both said it felt like we were abroad. I'd forgotten how huge Chester Zoo was and I don't really know if we got round all of it because the map was absolutely awful but we still had a really good day and met loads of cute animals. As you might notice, I have a new header up on my blog - one of the Zebras that I spotted whilst at the Zoo. It was stood amongst the trees and I thought it would be a perfect picture for my blog and it turned out well despite my rubbish phone. I'm going to share some more that I took right here ☟
I stayed over at Laura's on Friday and then we spent the morning sat in pyjamas, hunting for a holiday for next year and we found a very attractive one in Agadir, Morocco, which we have saved to book when Laura is back from Australia! Oh, I'm so in need of some sunshine!
From Laura's I went to pick Sammy up and then we came back to Lytham for an early night and a carboot sale on Sunday.
Carboot sales are such early mornings! We had to be there for 7.30, which is quite sociable for a carboot sale but we were all done and had made a shocking £161 (and that's after pitch charge and initial float money deduction!) by midday. It was a bit sad to sell all my old dolls and toys because I was saying bye to my childhood - and pretty much all of it went! So it was very very sad but it has all been sat in the attic for years and so the money will come in more useful in my last year at University than my old toys will. I hope they have all gone to nice homes and will be loved as much as I loved them. We still have a lot left to sell because we could only fit half of it in the car so Sam and I are hoping to do another one in Southport this weekend.
This post ended up being a little more sentimental than I anticipated. I didn't really know where this blog was going to lead me or which direction it was going to take me in and I do feel like I am still finding my direction. I'm hoping to start posting some of my smoothie and soup recipes as I know there are a few others out there who have medical conditions necessitating a liquid diet and have asked me for recipes. I know 'healthy' people enjoy smoothies too so I hope that they can be appreciated by all! We're now heading into the winter months and so soup season is also upon us but in the world of a cold person like me, it's soup season all year round anyway. Once I have a bit of a plan sketched out for recipes I will start drip feeding them onto the blog - stay tuned!
Last little bits
Today I put another concert in the calendar for 2015 - I'm going with Katie to see The Vaccines on 4th December which is very exciting and something to look forward to. I've already been to so many gigs and shows this year AND V-Fest - I've done pretty well.
I also got my revised dissertation plan back from my dissertation supervisor yesterday saying that it is great and ready to go which is a huge load off my mind for third year! With my upcoming admission to the Intestinal Failure Unit on the horizon, I'm hoping to start it this week so that I can have the best chance of staying up to date. I do get the option of extensions when I go in hospital but I just find it best and less stressful to stay up to date because taking extensions just means I have more work to do later on and that tends to be worse (for me, personally). The modules for my first semester are also up on the online workspace, although I'm still awaiting the course details but it's all firing up again ready for the third and final uni year. It's so scary and these three years seem to have gone so fast (three and a half if you include my year nursing).
That's all my gossip for this time. Thank you again to everyone who simply reads this and as well again to everyone who says lovely things - it's so touching and nice to know that someone is actually interested in reading my guff. Love and spoons to those who need them ❤
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