Keeping busy and achieving my biggest wish list tick!

It's been nearly two whole weeks since I've made a blog entry! I would say that I don't know where the time has gone but I've been so busy moving back to uni and keeping busy that I haven't had time to write it all down. Ideally, I would have liked to stick all this in a few different posts but lets just get up to date.

I'm feeling a little tired and un-eloquent today. Struggling to find words and write - not in an emotional way, just in an 'it's Monday' kind of way. So please excuse me if this just dribbles out my fingers and everything sounds a bit bland. This English student is clearly not ready to go back!

Southport Airshow

Last Sunday, Sammy and I, along with Sam's Dad went along to the Southport Airshow. Living on the coast, with Warton BAE and Blackpool airshow on my doorstep I've grown up with fighter planes whizzing over all hours of the day and night but in all my life I've never actually been to any of the airshows. This was a first. I really was not expecting it to be so exciting. It was a real thrill when the red arrows first emerged from behind us as we sat on the hill and they soared right over our heads.

The commentary was really interesting and my mind was well and truly blown when I realised that they were radioing down some of the commentary from the actual planes themselves as the leader of the arrows gave the commands and instructions to the other planes. It's amazing how they can fly so close to one another in such a tight flawless formation.

I'm not entirely sure of all the names of the planes that we saw, but it was quite exciting to watch a mock up sea rescue up close and it was also fun to watch the paratroopers sky dive onto the beach - it brought back memories of when I did my dive over three whole years ago. Sam took all of these pictures, because my camera phone is cack.

I got really cold and started to feel a bit unwell after a couple of hours so we didn't get to see all of the show and we missed the 'beach bombing' finale which was disappointing but I still had a really good day. I'm not sure if it was the cold making me feel so unwell or if it was just 'me'.

Back to uni

I was in work on Monday and Tuesday as usual and then on Tuesday night straight from work, I headed back to uni, with only a couple of bags in my car! I didn't bring a great deal back home with me when I came back to work for the summer, just a few shirts and jumpers that I thought might be useful to wear at work so I didn't really have very much to take back other than electronics like my laptops, chargers and some stationary that I had bought for back to uni. I wasn't actually in uni last week but I took the opportunity to see the girls and get some dissertation reading done.

On Thursday Irwin, Meggy B and I had a girly shopping trip to Liverpool which was really nice. We had a mooch and I treated myself to some new sports leggings for the gym, a cheap necklace from Primark and I also bought some presents for a certain upcoming birthday that I will be travelling back down south again for! Sam and I are very excited for this!

On Thursday night the girls had planned to go out to one of the freshers events - the paint party - but obviously got jealous of mine and Sam's pyjama and duvet party and we all stayed in and had a cosy night watching Mean Girls.

Another excellent film for Netflickers to check out is 'Oz The Great and Powerful' which Irwin and I watched in bed completely captivated on Wednesday night. It's a prequel to the Wizard of Oz starring the extremely beautiful James Franco [swoon] and I highly recommend it. Even though it's on Netflix, I think I am going to have to buy a copy for my DVD shelf!

It was good to be back with the girls, because I've missed them quite a lot and it just felt like a mad (but great) sort of normality was coming back to my life. It's our last year together, which we don't really like to think about so we have to make the most of it. I know we are all going to find it very difficult to move away from each other after we've spent the best part of three years, and also many of our term holidays together. We're all very close which is good because it's given my time at uni a good deal of stability since we've all been together since the start. This has definitely made my university experience a good deal easier in terms of the social aspects of living with stripes.

The Sharks

I don't really know how to give justice to the enormity of this part of the post. Many of you will know that I love sharks. I mean I really really love sharks. If everyone has a 'geeky' interest - mine is sharks. I think my love of sharks came about in the same way as the rest of the wacky items on my wish list (such as my wish to sky dive, completed in 2012) - from watching 'Jack Osbourne: Adrenaline Junkie' when I was bed bound and too sick to do anything except watch TV and think about all the things I'd want to do one day. The interest started with devouring all the shark Youtube videos, progressed to collecting National Geographic, shark week and David Attenborough books and DVDs, then I joined the Sharks trust, adopted a basking shark and then set my mind to it that I would swim with them. It was the one thing that was right at the top. If I had an end goal in mind, besides learning to walk again and being able to go to college/university and live independently it always came back to getting up and close with a shark.

I think the first time I left the house in maybe 6 months or more was with Laura to Blue Planet aquarium. That was the first step towards the dream. It was always Blue Planet that I was going to go to first - it was the most important thing to me if I was going to go anywhere and as soon as I was ready, Laura was ready to take me! We were probably about 15 years old and Laura took me in my wheelchair. I remember sitting by the massive window for absolutely ages just watching the huge sand-tiger sharks swim across the front. I knew you could dive with them at Blue Planet and it would have been so exciting to see someone get in with them that day but we didn't. The story that we always like to tell about our trip to Blue Planet (unrelated to the sharks) is when we went through the shark tunnel. You can walk through on the path (like sensible people) or you can go on the conveyor belt (like people unsensible people with a wheelchair). Now I think about it, I have absolutely no idea how Laura got me onto the conveyor belt, because that part of the story has been completely neglected thanks to how it ended. Basically, there is a red barrier, where you get off... or get sucked under the floor to meet your doom. 15 year old, 5 foot small Laura could not get my wheelchair off the conveyor belt as we got nearer and nearer the barrier which caused me to dive bomb out of it and the wheelchair ended up going through the red barrier. We also got stuck inside a rollercoaster simulator that day. So it was an interesting first trip out!

Anyway, that day was pretty big and pretty exciting and I ticked off seeing really big ones up close (I'd never seen Sand Tigers or any sharks that big before). It was amazing!

Earlier in the year Becca, Irwin and I went to the Sea Life Centre in Blackpool and we noticed that they were advertising a snorkelling with sharks experience and I was really excited! I decided that I would definitely be doing this!

In July, on my birthday Sam gave me a wonderful box of presents and I opened all my lovely gifts. At the end he handed me a final rather light parcel. I unwrapped it and was rather puzzled to find a bag of brown pellets. As Sam does he just stares me out and gives me absolutely no explanation for ages. Eventually he explained that we would be going to feed the sharks at the Sea Life Centre and I was absolutely ECSTATIC! I found out that Sam had enquired about snorkelling with the sharks and found a list of cans and cants - he found that my feeding tube/stoma fell into a bit of a grey area on what was considered a 'wound'. He sent an email and was given the response that I couldn't do it. When he told me this, I sent my own email just to doubley, trippley check that there was definitely no chance of me getting in with them. With my TPN at Salford on the horizon I know that it will soon be a clear categorical NO for swimming with them so I was desperate to find out really soon if there was any chance that I could snorkel but unfortunately I didn't have a response and so Sam and I just went ahead and booked a feed because I knew that either way, feeding them would be an absolute dream!

So, Saturday was the big day and we booked in to give them their afternoon feed! There was only me and Sam feeding them and we met up with a really cool 'shark man' called Steve who was awesome throughout the whole feed. He showed us some of the fish in the breeding programmes as we passed through the back to the shark enclosure and in one of the tubs was a baby ZEBRA SHARK of all things! This was obviously the icing on my cake and it was such a cute little thing swimming about the tank. She was probably about 30-40cm in length but Steve said that she would eventually grow to 3 metres! I can't wait to go and see her when she gets big enough to go in the shark enclosure - she will definitely be the star attraction!

Steve fed his favourite fish, Napoleon the Humphead Wrasse which was so cool to watch and then passed me a fish and let me hand feed the enormous Gary the Grouper fish! He was massive and it was only after that Steve told me that Gary once took hold of his entire arm when he was hand feeding him - he clarified that yes, it hurt. Gary was very lovely though and showed no interest in my arm.

After that we took some big poles and put some fish on the end and we got to feed the black tip (Boris), white tips (Willy and Wonka - Wonka has a wonky fin) and the nurse sharks. Some of the sharks were quite rough on the pole as they tried to take their fish - at times I thought I might inadvertently get to swim with them after all. Down below the enclosure in the tunnel, we waved at all the spectators and felt dead special whilst a talk was given on the sharks and their feeding regime. Steve was so awesome all the way through and really made sure we had a wicked time and got to see and do everything that we possibly could - I think he might have liked sharks more than I do because he seemed so excited to show us everything which made our experience really special. Sam told him about how much I wanted to swim with the sharks and Steve offered to make his own enquiries to see if he could take me in the snorkelling net himself. He said he couldn't make any promises but I'm keeping everything crossed that I can get to do this before I go in for TPN!

It was definitely the best experience I have had to date and I cannot believe how close I was to the sharks! They were absolutely amazing and as corny as it sounds this was definitely a dream come true!

You can't him see here, but I'm actually hand feeding Gary the Grouper!

Steve feeding Napoleon

Feeding the nurse shark (one was called Spot and I can't remember the name of the other one) and Boris the black tip!

Sammy waiting for a shark to take his fish

Sammy treated me to this cute shark mug from the gift shop at the end of the day and I have been enjoying my tea from it!

Harvest Festival

On Friday night, we went to Morrisons to buy some food for our Harvest Festival and church. It seems weird to say that shopping for Harvest was fun and I could have just kept on going through the shop chucking things into the trolley. Shopping for myself is so much effort. First it has to be liquid or possible to liquidise, then it has to be free from all my allergens. It's usually boring and most things I pick up have to go back on the shelf. When I shop for food for Sam, he usually chooses it, so that isn't the same. This time I picked things up, chose them myself and put them in the trolley! The only restriction was that it had to be non-perishable.

Harvest Festival was wonderful and I haven't done it since I was maybe 11, so it was lovely to get involved again and see a church full of people bringing their goodies and being so selfless. All the food that was collected went to Southport Foodbank which is obviously an excellent cause. It's so wrong that there are people going hungry so close to home (it's wrong that anyone should go hungry, near or far). I have a physical impairment which makes eating food tricky, but when I'm not getting enough nutrition, help is readily available and it can be given through my tube or in hospital. Due to my condition, my nutrition is so closely monitored and is readily available for me in a bag and yet there are healthy people going hungry right around the corner. It was really good to be able to give some food to the cause and I hope that someone enjoys the goodies that Sam and I chose for our box. Coincidently our box was an empty Nutricia box (what my feed comes in) so I like to think that I was literally passing the food parcel along!

That brings us up to date now. I just have tomorrow in work, and then I'm leaving work to get to Uni for 5pm for third year introduction and refreshments!

Hope you all had a lovely Harvest and good luck to all the freshers starting university as well as those who are going into their second year (it all counts now guys!) and third and final year! Especially good luck to those who are doing dissertations - may your creative juices now flow!

Lots of love to all x

Recharging my Stripes - quality time with quality friends

I have definitely benefited from my first week of part time work. For a while I've felt like I've just not been able to recharge my batteries. The week I had off in Scotland is literally the only week I've had off since I went back to University last September. And before that I worked all summer; before that I was at uni all year. I can imagine it sounds lazy to say I'm using these days off as 'bed days' where I can, and even to myself this sounds non too productive. But when you're living your life on borrowed/imaginary/non-existent spoons, bed days are really productive in earning those spoons back. I'm going to talk about the much needed recharge time I've been having and I'm also going to get a bit sentimental and talk about the importance of good friends when you're a Zebra.

For my first day off, I rested. I had a big bath and I went for a short walk to town in the sunshine. I spent the rest of the day chilling out, replying to letters and putting together some notes for Mum and Nigel's trip to London. I felt good for it. That was Tuesday, because last week I had Tuesday off. I went back to work on Wednesday and felt better.

Thursday - Michelle

On Thursday I had another lie in and drip fed some more spoons into the Royal Bank of Spoonage. In the afternoon I had a lovely day in Hale with my friend Michelle. I spent 6 weeks in hospital with Michelle last year - not only did we stay in the same building for 6 weeks but we stayed in the same room with little more than a few feet between us the whole time. We were both really, really sick at the time. I think I can speak for both of us in saying that we have seen each other at our very worst. We've kept in close contact since discharge and met up a few times, at first just chilling out and watching TV at Michelle's and then venturing out as we've both regained our strength - and it's taken time for both of us. 

It's really good to go and see Michelle and we can talk about 'that time' now it's behind us - and we talked about it a lot! Sometimes it made us laugh and sometimes it made us sick. I've made a really good friend in Michelle. You don't always get the best residents when you spend time in an open ward (there were four beds and Michelle and I were opposite each other so she was stuck looking at my face all day - poor girl!) but Michelle is definitely the best resident and she was a great roomy all the way through. I really missed her at first when I was discharged because she'd been there all day every day for a month and a half and it was weird that she wasn't any more. We'd wake up in the night, have our obs done and then just leave our lights on and end up talking for another hour before we fell back asleep. We were both often ill in the night as well so it was good to have someone there casually going through the same thing and we'd just keep each other company. She spent MUCH longer on the ward than I did and remained there for another 2 months after I was discharged. Recovering from a dip when you have a chronic illness is such a shlep!

So, on Thursday I went to Michelle's and we went to a few cafés in Hale and spotted Michael Le Vell (aka, Kevin Webster) who was in Costa and just had a day of leisure. It was good to chill out and do something nice with a bit of spare time and a bit of energy. And it was nice to spend time with Michelle not in a hospital whilst we were both feeling 'ok' and both looking a little more alive. 

Friday - Laura

On Friday I travelled down to Ellesmere Port to see Laura. Laura is my longest and probably closest friend. I met Laura as I was on my downwards spiral near the beginning of my illness. We were both young (Laura was 12 and I was 13) and yet she stuck by me completely unphased by everything that was happening. She lived about a 90 minute drive away but she spoke to me for hours every day and spent many weekends travelling down to see me. Often she would take a three hour round trip to come and see me for only a short time because that was all I could manage and she never ever gave up on me. Despite being stuck in my bedroom we had the best time. For two years I spent my time with very few visitors - people lose interest when you're ill, or they put off seeing you because they don't know what to say. Then one day, they don't know you any more. But Laura always made me feel like none of my crap was there. Even though I didn't know her until I was already sick she somehow still saw the person I was without my illness - the person I'd been before all of this. She preserved my sanity and I never got depressed. She's still here now and she is probably the only person in the world who I can talk to honestly and without any sort of filter. And I do, all the time. She makes me feel like my problems matter and at the same never says 'poor you' or makes me feel pathetic, however pathetic my problems are. I think good friends stand the test of time and ten years later, we're still just the same as we ever were. I'm proper lucky to have found this one.

On Friday Laura is going to Australia for three months to work in the Psychology department at a University and get work experience in a field that she's already worked so hard to get into. She deserves this more than anyone because she has worked so bloody hard and she is such a wonderful person. So last Friday was the last time I will see her now until she gets back in December, but I'm sure we'll keep each other updated on our every move as we always have. 

So, last Friday Laura and I went to Chester Zoo. It was a really sunny day and we both said it felt like we were abroad. I'd forgotten how huge Chester Zoo was and I don't really know if we got round all of it because the map was absolutely awful but we still had a really good day and met loads of cute animals. As you might notice, I have a new header up on my blog - one of the Zebras that I spotted whilst at the Zoo. It was stood amongst the trees and I thought it would be a perfect picture for my blog and it turned out well despite my rubbish phone. I'm going to share some more that I took right here ☟

I stayed over at Laura's on Friday and then we spent the morning sat in pyjamas, hunting for a holiday for next year and we found a very attractive one in Agadir, Morocco, which we have saved to book when Laura is back from Australia! Oh, I'm so in need of some sunshine! 

From Laura's I went to pick Sammy up and then we came back to Lytham for an early night and a carboot sale on Sunday. 

Carboot sales are such early mornings! We had to be there for 7.30, which is quite sociable for a carboot sale but we were all done and had made a shocking £161 (and that's after pitch charge and initial float money deduction!) by midday. It was a bit sad to sell all my old dolls and toys because I was saying bye to my childhood - and pretty much all of it went! So it was very very sad but it has all been sat in the attic for years and so the money will come in more useful in my last year at University than my old toys will. I hope they have all gone to nice homes and will be loved as much as I loved them. We still have a lot left to sell because we could only fit half of it in the car so Sam and I are hoping to do another one in Southport this weekend. 

This post ended up being a little more sentimental than I anticipated. I didn't really know where this blog was going to lead me or which direction it was going to take me in and I do feel like I am still finding my direction. I'm hoping to start posting some of my smoothie and soup recipes as I know there are a few others out there who have medical conditions necessitating a liquid diet and have asked me for recipes. I know 'healthy' people enjoy smoothies too so I hope that they can be appreciated by all! We're now heading into the winter months and so soup season is also upon us but in the world of a cold person like me, it's soup season all year round anyway. Once I have a bit of a plan sketched out for recipes I will start drip feeding them onto the blog - stay tuned!

Last little bits

Today I put another concert in the calendar for 2015 - I'm going with Katie to see The Vaccines on 4th December which is very exciting and something to look forward to. I've already been to so many gigs and shows this year AND V-Fest - I've done pretty well.

I also got my revised dissertation plan back from my dissertation supervisor yesterday saying that it is great and ready to go which is a huge load off my mind for third year! With my upcoming admission to the Intestinal Failure Unit on the horizon, I'm hoping to start it this week so that I can have the best chance of staying up to date. I do get the option of extensions when I go in hospital but I just find it best and less stressful to stay up to date because taking extensions just means I have more work to do later on and that tends to be worse (for me, personally). The modules for my first semester are also up on the online workspace, although I'm still awaiting the course details but it's all firing up again ready for the third and final uni year. It's so scary and these three years seem to have gone so fast (three and a half if you include my year nursing).

That's all my gossip for this time. Thank you again to everyone who simply reads this and as well again to everyone who says lovely things - it's so touching and nice to know that someone is actually interested in reading my guff. Love and spoons to those who need them ❤

The bear hunt!

It's nice to just have a cheap and happy weekend with good company, and that is what we did this weekend. There are so many beautiful places to visit and walk when you live 'oop North and the best (yet sad) part is, you'll never get round them all - there will always be new places to explore.

I bought my first pair of walking shoes when I was 13 - my Grandma is an avid walker and she bought me my first pair. Shortly after the investment I became too ill to use them and so they sat under the stairs for 4 years. I dug them out again when I was 17 and they're still in good knick 10 years after buying them! I had to buy a new pair when I was on steroids because I couldn't fit my fat feet in my other pair, but now those shoes are too big and also in really good condition (size 6, waterproof is anyone wants to get into walking!).

I bought a lightweight, waterproof pair in the sale in Scotland because, although my original pair are great and I still wear them, they aren't waterproof. I wore this pair to V-Festival and I was so grateful for them because walking shoes provide such great support when you're a zebra.

I bought Sam his first pair of walking boots for his birthday, along with some walking socks, a boot bag and a book of walks and we've been on some really lovely rambles together. Walking is such a cheap and healthy thing to do - going outside is absolutely free!

So, this weekend Me, Sam, Katie, Tom, Tom's two younger brothers (aged 5 and 7), Ben, Jess and baby William (aged 7 weeks) all went for 'a bear hunt' at Smithills Country Park in Bolton. It was a sunny day and stayed dry while we were out which is the best case scenario when you're on a walk but not a must (reference our rainy walk with Arthur in the Scottish hills!). If you want a bit of extra fun and mischief then kids are great at hunting bears! An essential resource for your bear hunt can be found here. There are loads of different routes you can take at the country park - we just chose our route as we went along based on whichever way the 'bear poo,' 'footprints' and 'honey jars' led us!

Hunting bears is tiring work and so Sam and I curled up with X-Factor and a take-away (or home-made leek and potato soup for me!) to end a day in the fresh air.

Yesterday Megan and her family - including my favourite 95 year young gent, her Grandad - were over in St. Annes for the day and so I nipped up to join them for a while. I'm always lucky enough to get papped with Howard so here I am, unable to stop myself from sharing yesterdays snap...

That's a good place to end this post! I'm now a part-timer (in case you missed the memo) and I'm looking forward to a day off, to myself, to have a nice rest tomorrow. I'm so excited!

Our two happy years

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO US!

Tuesday 1st September marked two years since Sammy asked me to be his girlfriend and what a wonderful, happy two years we have had together. In the very early hours of the morning, two years ago on Tuesday, Sammy and I were walking back to my car after a night clubbing in Southport. I don't think Sammy had, had any alcohol that night in a bid to woo me with solidarity. I can assure you that he has made up for this since. Anyway, we were walking back to the car when we bumped into a tipsy Emma Mcdonald (who we shall now forever refer to as 'cupid') who comes out with 'Sam, is this your girlfriend?' cue swift smiles and swifter goodbyes with neither of us knowing how to answer this, Anyway, we continued back to the car, and at some point Sam says 'I would like it if you were my girlfriend' and obviously, I was thrilled :) 

Sam and I first met a couple of months earlier - June 18th 2013 - two days before I travelled down to London for surgery. I was introduced to Sam at the pub and we hit it off straight away. Sam talks to everyone and hits it off with everyone, so I guess I just feel like the lucky one that he hit it off that bit extra with. He sent me loads of texts all the way through my surgery and I bumped into him again in Southport the week after and then we saw each other several times a week from then on and became best friends. It would be extremely corny if I were to tell you that I fell in love with my best friend. 

But I did.

We've had so many wonderful adventures together: date nights, days out, mini breaks, a holiday to France, fun with friends, two Christmas days, two Valentines days, a Holiday to Scotland, road trips... Probably my favourite day out with Sam was our day out to Edinburgh whilst we were in Scotland because we crammed so many memories into one day.

Sam has always been really supportive of my illness and has been through more than he should have had to with me. He's travelled hours to the hospital to sit with me while I slept and he's changed many a vomit soaked/tube leaked bedding. He gives me tummy rubs when it's sore, makes me hot water bottles, cups of tea, food that I can eat and waits on me hand and foot. It makes my bad days so much easier to cope with and I have so much less to worry about. He's sat many hours in waiting rooms, A&E and out of hours with me. He's the perfect Zebra-mate. 

Even on our two year anniversary he got up at 6.30am to travel to an appointment with me before we could even start our anniversary plans.

We'd decided that we were going to go on a walk together, weather permitting and since we were already in Manchester we opted for a lovely countryside area near Cheshire called Dunham Massey recommended to us by Megan! We parked up in the village and then walked about 3 miles up the canal to another cute little Village called Lymm. It was really hot and sunny on our way to Lymm. Once we arrived in Lymm we found an amazing extremely allergy friendly cafe called The Terrace which I cannot recommend enough - really friendly staff and really friendly locals! I'm looking forward to going back there again sometime. Whilst we were at the cafe, out of nowhere the rain came down really heavy so we waited for a little while longer in the cafe. Once it had eased a little we set off back along the canal where we stopped for a picnic on a sheltered bench along the way. The weather came changing for blazing sun, forcing us to strip down to our t-shirts, to torrential rain that forced us to run for shelter under the trees. There was even some pretty hefty thunder. Once we arrived back in Dunham Massey we drove back to Ormskirk. I had bad tummy pain when we got back so Sammy made me a hot waterbottle and we curled up under blankets on the sofa and watched Gone Girl. Then we finished the day with a team effort in the kitchen and Sam finally succumbed to allowing me to cook his steak a bit rarer in the pan and he enjoyed it!

Sammy bought me some lovely flowers and a beautiful vase inscribed with the words 'I would not wish any companion in the world but you' from William Shakespeare's 'The Tempest'. When I first switched my degree from nursing to English, Sammy bought me the full works of William Shakespeare, and within the book he highlighted this line. Yes, he is a romantic one and yes, I do know how incredibly lucky I am.

Here are some pictures from our 2nd Anniversary:

Romantics asside, here is a little update from my dietician appointment on Tuesday:

Everything went fairly well. I updated her on the plans to trial TPN and we discussed how I'd been getting on since I came out of hospital with my gut still being extremely sluggish. She suggested that I go back to liquids only and leaving out any solids until my admission comes around and so that is the plan for now. Despite all this, I've managed to put a bit of weight back on and I am in range again for now. Saying that I am aware that my weight bounces around and that I may have been this weight before and just dropped every time I've been weighed before and likewise that I am likely to drop again (but hopefully it means I can pick back up again too). I do feel like I look a bit healthier when I look in the mirror and other people have commented on it too which is good :)

In other news, this week is my last full week of work (well, actually, it wasn't a full week because Monday was a bank holiday and I took Tuesday off as holiday as well - but it's my last week as a full timer!) before I return to uni. From then onwards I will be working two full days, in uni two days and hopefully volunteering one day a week. This is the plan, fingers crossed we go to plan! I'm looking forward to the fact that at least for next week I will have a couple of rest days which I feel so desperately in need of right now.

That's all :) Thank you to all the people who read my blog and say lovely things about it - you are wonderful and it means a lot!